Eat Your Very Own Bin Scrap Bolognese Or Slop Stew ! Freshly Prepared By Yours Truly And Created By Your Mind...Ingredients Are Down To You !!

You’re hungry?

Perfect. I made you something. Bin Scrap Bolognese / Slop stew.

Prepared entirely without dignity, because that’s how I see you.
No, I didn’t touch it. Obviously!!! I’m not getting my hands dirty for you.

I found an old takeaway box buried in the rubbish from something I barely finished three nights ago, that still had crusted sauce around the edge.

Used it like a shovel to scoop up a clump of congealed pasta stuck to the side of the bin.
It p**led off whole... Cold, rubbery, sour-smelling
.
The stench? Rotten tomato and bin juice. Disgusting... so, obviously, perfect for you.

I broke it up with an old earbud I found in the grime.
Still sticky with wax. Fitting, considering what you usually put in your mouth.

Then came the "cheese"
I found something pale and greasy stuck to a paper towel.
Might’ve been cheese once, or bu*ter, or just fridge slime.
I scraped it off and It flopped in, wet, clammy and shiny.

Next, I added a bit of a "soft crunch".
From the bottom of a cereal box I’d thrown out last week, stale crumbs, lint, and the corner of the box itself. You’ll barely taste the difference.

Then I decided it needed something extra.
So I stepped outside.
Found a piece of chewing gum, pressed flat to the pavement with an obvious shoe mark in it. I scraped it up with a store loyalty card I’d already bent in half.
It p**led off in one grey stringy piece... Still sticky. Still warm from the sun.
I dropped it right on top like a garnish.

Sauce?
Oh, you’ll love this part.
I grabbed a bag of decomposing vegetables and squeezed the corner until the brown-green sludge dripped out. Smelled like feet soaked in vinegar.

Then I found a tomato sauce bottle all crusty
I scraped the dried edge and forced out the last stubborn squirt.. watery, pink, pathetic just like you

Still not saucy enough?.....Fine.

There was a yoghurt pot at the bottom of the bin.. lid off, it had been left just long enough for the top to separate. I poured the liquid part in.. curdled, warm, and slightly fizzy.
It needed seasoning.

So I shook out the crumbs from the bottom of my toaster tray.
They stuck to the cheese layer...A few bits of dried onion skin, some pepper flakes that fell onto the floor last week.

And then came the stir. Not with a sp**n, obviously.
With a icecream stick I found outside. Caked in mud
Did I clean it? No. I jammed it in and mashed everything together.
And now you’ll eat it.

But not yet.

First, you’re going to set a timer.

Ten minutes.

That’s how long you’ll lie face down in the bowl.
No whining. No shortcuts.
You’ll press your face into the slop.
Feel it stick to your skin.
Let it seep into your nose, your lips, your pride.
You’ll lie there and breathe it in.
That’s what obedience smells like...
rotting vegetables, street gum, and shame.
And only when the timer ends, you may lift your head and begin eating.
Mouth first... No utensils...
No wiping your face clean.
Because food is for people.
Not for losers like you.

Bon appétit, binboy!

This is an example on what you will get, ingredients can be personalised or pot luck which will vary depending on what I can find on the day!

Add an extra video of your meal being made from start to finish ? + £10

All physical items are sent in a Vacuum sealed bag for ultimate freshness!

£5 postage within the UK with Royal mail 24 hour delivery

25.00 GBP 333

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