Safe, Sane, and Consensual BDSM & Kink Play

General BDSM Tips For Sellers

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Let’s get straight to the point, BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) and Kink/Fetish are slowly becoming a household name because of movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and shows like Bonding. Although I don’t believe these Hollywood productions are the greatest representation of BDSM and Kink/Fetish relationships, I think it’s at least getting the general public to talk about it more openly and also brings a little humor to something that for many seems scary and dark.

BDSM is essentially just an exchange of power between two consenting adults of any gender typically referred to as a Dominant (Dom, Domme, Dominatrix, Alpha) and a Submissive (Sub, Slave, Beta). Some individuals are considered to be Switch’s. That simply means they enjoy aspects of being both Dominant and Submissive, and are able and willing to do both.

There has to be a lot of trust involved in any kinky relationship. The Dominant holds the control only because the Submissive gave it to them, this is not something that is taken without consent. This also doesn’t mean the Submissive can’t have any limits, opinions, or suggestions. With every new Submissive that I take into consideration to train, I always have them fill out a lengthy questionnaire. I ask them about their likes and dislikes, and any kinks and fetishes they may have or want to try. I ask them what they’re looking to gain from being my Sub, and lastly any hard limits or “NO’s” they may have. No two Domme’s or Sub’s are alike and that is what makes each BDSM or Kink relationship different.

Before we go any further I want to talk about a very important thing to have in place which is called a “Safe Word”. The Safe Word should always be discussed previously before any play or filming goes on. A safe word is very important and is discussed and chosen by the Domme and Sub together. Anytime the Sub says that safe word during play or filming, it means to stop whatever is going on with no questions asked out of mutual respect and check in before continuing play or the scene.

BDSM and Kink relationships are like any other relationship. It’s not a one size fits all type of thing but when you find something that works it can be magical! BDSM and Kink relationships, in my opinion, will never work if it isn’t mutually beneficial to both parties. Even Sub’s that are getting whipped to bloody hell in some way shape or form are enjoying it. Some humans just know that they were put on this earth to submit and serve an Alpha. Pleasing and serving their Dominant does give them pleasure even if some people can’t understand it!

Please keep in mind, while reading that, I am a Female Dominatrix and speaking particularly about my Male Subs. There are plenty of Male/LBGTQ+ Doms, and Female/LGBTQ+ Subs, but if I talked about all of the different gender combinations this article would go on forever.

Now, let’s crush an annoying stereotype. Many times I’ve heard from people who don’t know the first thing about BDSM or Kink relationships say stuff like “Only ugly or broke losers that can’t get laid seek Domination”. This is not true! In fact a lot of times it’s quite the opposite. First of all, booking a Dominatrix for an in-person or online session is not cheap, so if they were a broke loser they most likely wouldn’t be able to afford it. Second, a LOT of my clients are good looking and have no problem getting vanilla sex. Third, some but not all of my Subs are Dominant in their “real life” in some way, and seek my Dominatrix services to have fun enjoying their favorite Kinks and Fetishes in a confidential way with a professional to release some stress and escape the real world if even for an hour at a time. For instance, some of my previous clients have been successful business owners, gentleman in high corporate positions, first responders, military, professional athletes, or husbands that hold all the financial burden of paying the bills and crave that feeling of letting go of control and handing it over willingly to someone whom they trust and see deserving in order to feel balanced in life. Being able to relinquish control and safely enjoy their Kinks and Fetishes is quite a satisfying feeling for them! For some of them I’ve been told exploring their Kinks and Fetishes in a confidential, safe, consensual way even for a short amount of time really makes them feel whole and enjoy life much better.

I want to reiterate the MOST IMPORTANT things about BDSM and Kink are SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL play! I think that is the part that is missing from these mainstream shows. Believe it or not, there’s even a proper way to spank someone’s ass with your hand. And if you’re going to tie someone up in bondage, it’s definitely best to educate yourself so you’re doing it properly because there’s a lot of things you need to know about what not to do when it comes to bondage. You could really damage someone’s body if you’re not doing that right.

To wrap it up, it seems that in America at least, it’s still very taboo and stigmatized to participate in BDSM/kink or hire a professional to explore those things. Unfortunately the majority of the American society probably has an interest in Kink or some type of Fetish that they will never fulfill because of shame or fear of what others may think. Those who do choose to act on these interests seem to be some of the happiest and fulfilled people I’ve ever met!

Thanks for reading! Feedback and discussion or questions are always welcome!

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